At my age (early thirties), I should have a lot to look forward to in life. But right now, that's not the case.
I feel as if my life is over. That there's no use remaining in this world anymore with all it's troubles and tribulations.
How did I get to this stage of my life, that I've become filled with so much despair? So much pain, sorrow and regret?
It's a long story but I won't make it too long so as not to bore you readers.
***
My problems began about five years ago after I got married to my husband, Ben. Ben and I met in the church. He was a very dedicated worker who was in charge of the youth fellowship.
Other girls in the church had their eyes on him because of his good looks and caring nature. Besides that, he also had a good job in a telecoms company.
But I was the one he was interested in. We courted for about two years before we got married.
All was fine for the first few years of our married life. Ben was loving and caring and did everything to make me happy. I had no regret choosing him as my life partner.
Baby blues
But our happy state did not last long. And it was all due to my inability to conceive after four years of marriage.
Some might say, that's not a long time. But to a young bride and in a society like ours where the cry of a baby is expected to be heard a year after the wedding, it's like eternity.
Though my husband was not really concerned (at least on the surface), I was worried about my childless state.
My anxiety was compounded by my childhood friend, Ivie who got married the same year that I did and was already the proud mother of two.
As the years went by with no pregnancy, having a baby became an obsession for me. I would spend hours on my knees praying and crying for a baby, for God to bless me with a child.
Ben saw the stress I was going through and began to fear for my health.
"Fina, dear, you need to take it easy. I understand how you feel. But stop being so anxious about this matter. With time, we'll have our own child. Be patient," he advised.
But I was not ready to listen. I wanted my own baby like other women I saw around me every day.
How long was I going to wait, I kept wondering.
Was it when I'm old that I'll have my own children? I had run out of patience and I was ready to do anything to be a mother. Besides, my in laws were already showing signs of displeasure at my condition.
'I have to do something before they will consider marrying another wife for their son who will bear him children,' I kept telling myself.
Visit to a spiritualist
I had a very good friend Belinda who was my colleague at my place of work. One day, I told her about my problems with having babies.
She was really sympathetic, promising to help find a solution.
Two weeks later, she told me she would take me to see someone about my problem. I thought it was a doctor at first but she shook her head when I asked.
"It's someone very experienced in these things. Don't worry, Fina. You'll surely have a baby after visiting him," she stated confidently.
That gave me hope and I looked forward to seeing this wonderful person who could give me my heart's desire.
We went to see the man one Saturday morning at his centre at the Iyana Ipaja area of Lagos. He turned out to be a spiritualist or prophet who Belinda assured me was very powerful and had helped many people in solving their problems especially barrenness.
"Lots of women have had babies after they consulted him," she stated.
There were many people waiting to see the man on our arrival.
We found seats and waited our turn.
Finally, we were ushered into his office. He was not what I expected. Instead of an old man with a long beard and flowing white robe, I saw a middle-aged man dressed casually in a brown linen shirt and trousers.
He had a smooth round face with piercing eyes that seemed to see through one.
There was a strong smell of incense in the room.
The man listened calmly while Belinda told him my story, about my childlessness. At the end, he looked at me with those piercing eyes of his and said:
What went down at the spiritualist's place? Details coming soon!
To Be Continued...
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