I honestly don’t know what to do. My best friend says he doesn’t
deserve me and I should break up with him, but she doesn’t understand. She
doesn’t understand what Somto and I share. Maybe she just doesn’t know that
what we feel for each other is true love. He’d never hrt me. Not without a
good reason. Somto is my life. He’s my world. I can’t imagine myself without
him. Somto makes me feel. Besides, if I break up with him, who’s to say
that the next guy won’t be even worse? Hell! Who can be like Somto? He’s a good
guy, and I’m sure he has his reasons for wanting to be with Rahila.
I’m hurt now, and when he touches me or kisses me, I can’t help
imagining his hands and mouth on Rahila’s perfect body. And I wonder, does she
respond to his every touch like I do? Does she scream his name? Does he
have a pet name for her? Does she love him like I do? There are so many
questions. Last night, he kissed me after we made love, and when he whispered
‘I love
you. Only you’, I cried. I had to tell him they were tears of
happiness when he asked why. Somto,
if you love me and only me, why am I not enough for you? Why are you with
Rahila?
I have to find a way to make him happy. If I can do that, I’m
sure he’ll leave her and stay with me. I can’t lose him. I don’t care, and
I won’t mind if he beats me and is a bit mean, as far as I have him, and he
loves me. I’ll do whatever it takes to not lose him. I’m going to try my best
to win him back, but if I have to share him to have him, then so be it. Nobody
will ever be able to make me feel the way he makes me feel I only hope he’s
been using protection. I’m sure She is a slut, and I don’t want my baby to
catch any nasty infection. I know now that I will never be able to confront him
about Her, but maybe, just maybe one day I’ll realize she’s just been a very
vivid bad dream. Somto,
you and I were made for each other. Don’t let this other woman come between us.
I need you to love ME.
Only me.
So, how do you get the spark back in order to save your relationship?
Relationship experts often believe that a total lack of passion in a relationship could be caused by certain factors some of which are lifestyle related.
Our modern lifestyles can be serious relationship dampeners. Work and other commitments can lead to stress and exhaustion while childcare, finances or other factors can further create strains on your health, wellbeing and relationship, including sexual intimacy.
So how do you fix this?
Communication
One way is through communication. Clear and effective communication – both verbal and nonverbal – is a very important factor in restoring emotional and sexual intimacy.
Talk out your issues, schedule some play time together, or have a once a week 'date night.' All can help bring you back together as a couple.
Emotional intimacy, which is closely tied to sexual intimacy, is important as it is the glue that holds relationships together. Excessive conflict or emotional disconnect in the relationship can move a couple apart, in bed and out of bed.
. Nurture
Remember what brought you together as a couple in the first place. Was it your attentiveness and sweetness, his openness and sense of humor, or the way you held hands and gazed at one other?
These are the nutrients essential for a healthy and passionate relationship. In dealing with the demands of life, you may have kept the beauty and tenderness of romance as a distant memory, thinking of it as a passing dream.
This need not be. It can be a part of your reality if you bring it out and nurture it on a daily basis. Infuse your relationship with plenty of attention, appreciation and affection.
Do something together with your partner
To reignite your relationship, you want to mimic when you first started dating. One way to do that is by engaging 'in a new activity or interest with your partner. Doing novel activities with your partner enables you to reexperience the original emotional state at the beginning of your relationship'
In other words, trying something new sparks excitement, producing passion. You can do anything from deep-sea fishing to salsa dancing to hiking a mountain to eating at a different restaurant.
Add the element of mystery or surprise.
Both mystery and surprise also mimic the emotional state of a new romance.
Here, little gestures also go a long way such as surprising your wife at work and whisking her away for lunch or sending a greeting card in the mail.
Do something that kicks up your adrenaline and arousal
Young relationships start out with an adrenaline rush. Your heart races, you get giddy, you’re alert, awake and excited. Studies show that the arousal that’s created through an adrenaline-producing activity can get transferred to your partner and your relationship.
Arousal-generating activities can include exercising, going on a vigorous hike or a roller-coaster ride.
Take a mini-vacation just the two of you
Get out of the house for “at least one night and two days…somewhere that interests both of you and creates new memories together. Somewhere you can spend unpressured time, so you can truly relax. And the good thing is you don’t have to go far from home or spend a lot of money.
The key is to spend quality time together away from home. Studies show that for women, in particular, getting away is important as they feel more passionate when they’re away from the pressures of their lives especially home and work related pressures.
Even if you have young kids or are super-swamped with work or other responsibilities, getting some 'alone time' is vital to reigniting the waning sparks in a relationship. t
Touch more often
Touch produces arousal, comfort and support both physiologically and psychologically, according to experts. It could be something as simple as holding hands on a walk, a hug, kiss or embrace daily- this reminds you that you are bonded with each other.
Playtime
In the midst of busy lives, financial responsibilities, kids and holding down a household, couples can easily forget to have fun. Couples can play in many ways, too which need not cost anything like just chasing each other round the house in a pretense fight or even pillow fights like you did in the early days of the relationship.
When reigniting your relationship, the key is to shake things up consistently. So the next time you plan date night, think about the elements of newness, novelty and the element of surprise.
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